How wonderful, to learn of creatures with rock bodies and crystal eyes, roaming shallow seas in endless variety, an infinite box of intricate, animated jewels.

The internet’s favourite bilious and dyspetic accountant, Dennis the Peasant, deserves a group hug, great big sloppy wet kisses with tongue and infinite back rubs with lashings of ginger beer. However, for various complicated reasons, what he’s getting from me is a virtual cup of cocoa.

Blinder piece of economics here.

Last Saturday, Michael Jennings, Rob Fisher and I went to the Farnborough Airshow, to which, of course, we all brought our cameras. The one with the cheapest and cheerfullest camera tends to take the most pictures, (a) because the pictures tend to be smaller and will fit with ease onto today's infinite SD cards no matter how many you take, and (b) because with a cheap and cheerful camera you ...

Ed Balls, in his infinite fucking wisdom, has decided that Latin is a useless subject in schools. Like Boris Johnson, I am outraged, not least because this is my livelihood at stake. The joy and value of Latin being taught in schools and the defence of it being of course entirely separate from this

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From Risk, Uncertainty and Profit: "Every event has an infinite number of causes, and it depends on circumstances, the point of view, the problem in had, which of these we single out as 'The' cause. 'The' cause of of a phenomenon is merely that one of its necessary conditions which is for some practical reason crucial, generally from the standpoint of control. It is the one abo...

The peculiar irony of New Labour's endgame is that it was all foretold by an accidental prophet named Tony Blair. "My project will be complete," he once declared, "when the Labour party learns to love Peter Mandelson." And lo, it has come to pass. As the Hazel Blearses of this world appear to be communicating messages of infinite fatuity via their accessories, virtually the only senior politi...

The BBC, in its infinite wisdom, has moved Question Time forward tonight to 9pm. On the panel are William Hague, Vince Cable, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, Marta Andreasen and the political colossus that is Ben Bradshaw. You'd have thought Labour might have put up one of its big guns tonight like Geoff Hoon, James Purnell, Hazel Blears, Alistair Darling or Jack Straw. Ah, I see. I've just realised...

It will come as little surprise to most readers to learn that newspapers have a limited number of pages, particularly when it comes to the news and comment sections. Equally, there are limits set on broadcast news slots, which cannot be of infinite length. Once this stunning information is fully absorbed, however, it becomes a fairly simple matter to deduce that, should bulletins or news pages be ...